Stephen Roasts A Confederate Statue


( LAUGHTER )
AND TRUMP HAS HAD A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH HISTORY THIS WEEK. MAINLY, HOW HE’LL BE REMEMBERED
BY IT, BUT ALSO WITH DEFENDING THE CONFEDERACY. AND THIS MORNING, HE DOUBLED
DOWN, TWEETING, “SAD TO SEE THE HISTORY AND CULTURE OF OUR GREAT
COUNTRY BEING RIPPED APART WITH THE REMOVAL OF OUR BEAUTIFUL
STATUES AND MONUMENTS. YOU, DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT… …DOT-DOT-DOT, CAN’T CHANGE
HISTORY, BUT YOU CAN LEARN FROM IT. ROBERT E. LEE, STONEWALL
JACKSON– WHO’S NEXT, WASHINGTON, JEFFERSON? SO FOOLISH! ALSO, DOT-DOT-DOT… …DOT-DOT-DOT, THE BEAUTY THAT
IS BEING TAKEN OUT OF OUR CITIES, TOWNS AND PARKS WILL BE
GREATLY MISSED AND NEVER ABLE TO BE COMPARABLY REPLACED!”
NEVER TO BE REPLACED.>>Jon: NEVER.>>Stephen: KIND OF LIKE
RESPECT FOR THE PRESIDENCY. IT’S GONE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ OH ♪ ♪ OH ♪
( PIANO RIFF )>>Stephen: BUT THE PRESIDENT
HAS A POINT — A DUMB POINT, BUT A POINT. WE CAN’T LOSE THE BEAUTY OF
THINGS LIKE THIS ACTUAL STATUE OF CONFEDERATE GENERAL AND
K.K.K. GRAND WIZARD NATHAN BEDFORD FOREST! APPARENTLY, THE KLAN WAS FOUNDED
BY A SKIRT-WEARING, NUTCRACKERS RIDING WET LIZARDS. ( LAUGHTER )
AND LOOK WHERE THE GENERAL IS POINTING THE GUN. NOW WE KNOW WHY THEY LOST. COME ON WITH ME MEN! BANG, BANG, BANG! BANG, BANG! WHO SHOT YOU? WHO SHOT YOU? DAMN YOU YANKEES! DAMN YOU! CHARGE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER )>>Stephen: THIS SHOW’S LIKE
WATCHING A KEN BURNS DOCUMENTARY. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: OBVIOUSLY TRUMP IS A FAN OF THESE STATUES BECAUSE
HE’S A CIVIL WAR BUFF. HE EVEN HAS A PLAQUE BY A WATER
HAZARD ON ONE OF HIS VIRGINIA GOLF COURSES WITH AN INSCRIPTION
READING, “MANY GREAT AMERICAN SOLDIERS, BOTH OF THE NORTH AND
SOUTH, DIED AT THIS SPOT. THE CASUALTIES WERE SO GREAT
THAT THE WATER WOULD TURN RED AND THUS BECAME KNOWN AS ‘THE
RIVER OF BLOOD.'” BY THE WAY, THE RIVER OF BLOOD
IS ALSO HOW STEVEN BANNON COMMUTES TO WORK. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
( PLAYING ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT )
( LAUGHTER )>>Stephen: HE GIVES THE
BOATMAN THE COINS FROM HIS EYES FIRST AND THEN HE TAKES HIM
ACROSS. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS FAMOUS BATTLE, THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
OF THE LOCAL HISTORICAL PRESERVATION GROUP SAID, “NO. UH-UH. NO WAY. NOTHING LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENED
THERE.” ( LAUGHTER )
NOT YET. ( LAUGHTER )
GIVE TRUMP SOME TIME. BUT IT DOES PROVE THAT TRUMP
LIKES CIVIL WAR MONUMENTS SO MUCH, HE DOESN’T EVEN CARE IF
THEY’RE REAL! “ON THIS SPOT IN 1860-WHATEVER,
ABRAHAM LINCOLN KARATE-CHOPPED HIS WAY INTO FORT SUMTER, WHERE
HE WAS SHOT BY TED CRUZ’S DAD. VERY SAD. THE POINT IS,
THERE WAS VIOLENCE ON MANY SIDES, MANY SIDES . TED CRUZ’S DAD WAS RIGHT, STAND
YOUR GROUND, ABE .” AND COMPARING ROBERT E. LEE TO
GEORGE WASHINGTON AND THOMAS JEFFERSON IS JUST WILLFUL
DUMMYNESS. NO ONE IS DENYING THEY HAD
SLAVES. WASHINGTON AND JEFFERSON HAVE
MONUMENTS BECAUSE THEY FOUGHT THE BRITISH, FOUNDED THE
COUNTRY AND WROTE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. WE HAVE STATUES OF ROBERT E. LEE
BECAUSE HE CHOSE TO SECEDE AND FIGHT FOR SLAVERY. THAT’S ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT
GENERAL LEE. THAT AND THE FACT THAT HE HAD
THE “DUKES OF HAZZARD” CAR NAMED AFTER HIM. ( LAUGHTER )
OR WAS HE NAMED AFTER THE CAR? ( LAUGHTER )
WE MAY NEVER KNOW BECAUSE WE’VE ERASED OUR HERITAGE. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: OH, WOW, YEAH. HERITAGE ALL THE WAY GONE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF )>>Stephen: SO REMOVING
CONFEDERATE STATUTES ISN’T ABOUT DENYING THAT SLAVERY
HAPPENED. IT’S ABOUT NOT CELEBRATING THE
PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT TO KEEP IT GOING. THAT’S WHY WE REMEMBER THE
“TITANIC,” BUT WE DON’T ERECT A MONUMENT TO THE ICEBERG. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )>>Jon: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DON’T NEED THAT!>>Stephen: ALTHOUGH, THANKS
TO DONALD TRUMP PULLING OUT OF THE PARIS CLIMATE ACCORDS,
SOON ALL ICEBERGS WILL NEED A

Posts created 2633

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top