P: Hello Dan and Phil Games intense skids D: Aloha. *various car noises* P: That’s the noise you make when I see you walking down the street. D: They swerve because they’re so scared of you D: You’re so tall P: Hello D: Can I just take a moment to say: on this switch, which is Phil’s one, D: What the hELL is your profile picture P: That’s my profile! D: That is the biggest, scariest thing ever P: Look, online, I want to intimidate people if i’m gonna race against them P: So that’s my face D: Your eyebrows…are so accurate P: I know! D: Thats an accurate mii, Phil P: I spent hours crafting my mii
D: Well done! P: Welcome back to: *Mario voice* Mariokart 8!! D: Now, we’ve made a couple videos, joking around, Dan vs Phil, doing the battle mode, D: but we’ve telling people, “oh I promise we’re like actually good” D: and they’re just like, alright then, prove it! D&P: Prove it! D: So we thought, well, if the people wanna see this, D: maybe, we can give them what they want, D: and go online in MarioKart P: Let’s do it! D: Show you what we’re made of P: Although I warn you, Dan get’s pretty rageful when playing MarioKart online D: I do actually, get very angry P: I can’t actually say some of the words you were saying when you were playing it this morning P: You look like you want to ruin people’s lives D: That’s like, I’m a massive dick on Mario Kart when I win D: I’m like, “haha I’m the best” D: so, I want a mii that infuriates people P: It needs curly hair though, it’s very inaccurate D: But I need to change the pose to the one tha- there you go P: There you go *laughs* D: Yes, and then facial expression D: Winking P: Oh my gosh D: Boom P: That’s inappropriate D: Tha- that’s the Dan user right there P: People are gonna leave when they’re playing against you online D: So, I’ve decided that Inkling Girl is like my favourite character, P: Yeah D: Just because she’s so sassy and alternative looking D: But, as you might have seen, D: Nintendo did a patch to the game removing an insult that she did – P: they got rid of her thing! D: because when she run, or hit someone with a thing, she went like this: P: Oof D: and in Europe, P: That would insult me D: That means up yours D: Uhm so, P: That’s not very Nintendo *laughs* D: Apparently saying, “I hit you with a shell, stick it up your ass, Luigi, you dick” D: is not very Nintendo D: so that’s, that’s been patched P: But it is very Dan D: That is so Dan P: *laughs* D: I love putting shells up my ass 😉 P: I think we should include the whole world D: I like that that Toad is not tethered to a space ship P: *laughs* D: It’s just like, D: *high pitched voice* “I’M FLOATING ENDLESSLY THROUGH SPAAACE” P: It’s Sandra Bullock D: “pLEASE SAV- D: Stop making Gravity references! P: It is the best film about space D: You’re gonna make another spa- P: Except for Interstellar… and Star Wars P: and lots of other space films D: So as you’ll see here, the rating is 1000 D: that’s because we’re playing on Phil’s Switch right now P: I’ve just been playing on Dan’s all the time D: Which means, that we won’t be able to use our cool, amazing cars that we have (P: noooo) D: or our amiibos D: So, you know, usually I like to look fabulous in a Kirby suit, but not this time P: I do relate to Tanooki Mario on an internal level P: but, (D&P: *laughs*) P: I’m gonna go, not that I’m saying that I’m a furry P: I’m just gonna go with D: I-I-I didn’t say that, Phil P: *laughs* D: I didn’t say that P: I’m gonna go with my mii, because it’s tradish D: I’m gonna go with Inkling Girl P: Okay, car selection (D: alright) D: Now, I, all I care about is having a strong theme (P: ooh, submarine) D: So some people might be like, “Okay, so we need this car, we need that speci-” (P: Yeah) “and then this is the OPTIMIZED stats” P: I like to sit in a giant shoe, I think that’s a good look D: You’re trolling yourself, Phil (P: yeah *laughs*) D: We’re supposed to be showing off D: In which case you should be (P: Alright, Circuit Special) D: Basically, little nerd facts (P: mONSTER WHEELS) D: cause this is the video, speed is really all that matters (P: yeah) D: The key to winning Mario Kart is to be in the front D: so that you’re not in the item clusterfuck in the middle (P: Yes) P: that’s the thing! D: And when you’re at the front and not getting hit by items, D: speed is all that matters D: So if you’re someone that struggles in the middle D: maybe need acceleration to D: get you back to the front (P: yeah) D: But, if you’re Dan and Phil, P: Do you think you can accessorize with the glider though, P: all bets are off D: I bet maybe P: you can have… a normal one P: parasol, a plane! I like the plane D: Does that go with your theme, though? P: Yes it does! I’m getting in the plane D: Okay, there we go D: I’m not going for speed D: because I need to use the Splat Buggy with Inkling Girl D: so we’ll see if that bites me in the back (P: That’s the thing) P: Oh, here’s who we’re going to be fighting against D: *sings really high* Somebody that I used to know P: Beth D: I mean, we’re saying that it’s nice, inclusive global community D: the next round, there’s gonna be a mii that looks like Hitler (P: yeah) D: it always happens D&P: it always happens P: This guy’s got red eyes in the corner, I don’t trust that at all D: That guy has been smoking some kush P: Or he’s a ghoul D: I’m excited! Okay, Animal Crossing… P: Cloudtop Cruise! D: This is Phil’s favorite course P: This is my favorite course! P: I love Cloudtop Cruise! P: You know I think I like lightning more than the average human (D: wat) P: Yeah, I get really excited in thunderstorms D: The weather phenomenon of lightning P: There was one in Florida P: and I was… wasn’t I like, so excited D: Phil was like *gasp* OHH MY GOD (P: *laughs*) D: It’s like if a dog is like, that excited D: in a, the world is ending kinda way D: Phil has similar energy levels (P: Yeah) P: I was so hyped. Anyway, P: Cloudtop Cruise has lightning, which is why I was talking about lightning P: if you were wondering D: It’s gonna be Animal Crossing P: come on, Phil’s choice! D: don’t be Animal Crossing P: Phil’s choice! Phil’s choice! Please D: Wait.. *sings* dut, dut, dut, dut dut dut D&P: Animal Crossing P: right, place your bets on which season it’ll be D: Autumn P: Winter D: What was it when we did the gaming channel P: Look how sad reindeer is! D: Aw, reindeer! P: I wanna give you a hug! P: All of the other reindeers D: It’s because he has a thousand points P: and all of the other reindeers used to laugh and call him names P: cuz they never played Mario Kart with him P: and then he drove off the edge D: That’s how it goes- waIT WAIT WAIT D&P: Autumn! D: Boom. D: that means I’m gonna win D: Now well you know, our nemesis, he LEFT D: because he obviously knew that there was just no chance (P: Yeah) P: Okay. Get ready for Phil! D: you hold- P: WHAT?! D: “get ready for Phil” P: I was pressing it at the right time! D: *patronizing* No phil, AFTER two P: Your mum’s two D: Okay so in this Mario Kart as you know D: From our last video you can get TWO ITEMS D: AND I JUST FUCKED UP (P: YES) I did not picking up the box P: YES D: A COIN?? How could I defend myself with a coin?? P: I missed the box as well. D: This is a farce, Phil why are you in 6th? P: I missed the box. D: You’re letting the team down, omg I’m not paying attention P: I’m being attacked by everything! D: More banting less driving D: Okay P: I’m being attacked by everything this is not fair D: *triggered* P: Come back to life. D: PHIL D: I just got assaulted. P: *sings* Bring me to life. D: I have never been this disrespected my entire life. P: DAN. P: Right. D: Ohh yeah. P: Time to chomp on that. D: Ok, defensive Banani D: Here we go. Tight around the corners. P: Dan can you feel my breath on your back now? D: Uhh I, I can’t. P: I’m coming for you with a giant mouth. D: And I really don’t want that to be the feature that they add. D: Yes, yes, okay wait for the bomb backwards. P: No. D: It’s like battle mode – Absolutely savage. P: *sighs* D: Did you see that? P: I saw that, that was very good.D: They call me the bomb surgeon. D:They don’t actually, I wish they did, that would be really cool. D:How many races are we gonna do? P: I dunno. D: We said we were gonna do best of three. P: I think best of three. D: But what does that mean? This isn’t a Dan vs. Phil. P: No, we’re just playing. D: Best of three against all the plebs on the internet. P: Yeah, we’re just gonna try and do our best. D: ok. *laughs* P: Like a cub scout. Right, here we go, here we go. D: Phil. P: I’m in fifth. D: I mean, I can clearly provide the banter and still win P: Shush! D: I dunno about you. P: I’m getting there! D: So if you wanna just be silent and concentrate on driving in a straight line – P: No! I’m doing it. D: I will accept that. P: Ah mole! D: Oh Phil! Phil use your boosts! P: I can do it, come on! D: Use your boosts! Come on, Ahhh. P: Four – I mean D: Fourth is reasonable. P: Not that bad. P: I could’ve been better, could’ve been better. D: Phil could’ve done better. D: Phil has a problem, which is that when he gets mushroom boosts, he freaks out. P: I just freak out! D: And usually drives off the edge or into a wall. P: But it’s is the best way, you should just use them all at once. D: *Imitating Phil freaking out* AHHHHH, PANIC ! D: Who’s your nemesis? Elros? P: Nin! I keep having– D: And Nin. P: Little interactions with Nin and they are never good. D:*Being protective af* Why don’t you Ninten-GO AWAY? P: Ohhh I’m banting on your behalf. P: Yeah? D: I’m sticking up for you P: Don’t be such a Nin-y D: Kind of- alright. P: Cloudtop Cruise! D: Cloudtop cruise D: This is when I show what a good sportsman I am D: By spamming – Hooray! P: That’s not, that’s like you’re showing off! D&P: Hooray, hooray, hooray!!! D: Good game~ P: Stop it! I’m not gonna play with this again. D: Now you see why my arrogant looking mii is appropriate. P: Yeah, oh we got a new, new pla- oh there’s twins! D: OH MY GOD THEY’RE TERRIFYING
P: What’s happening?? P: Why they wearing the same outfit? P: If someone chooses baby park I’ll be sad D: Baby park, that one there. P: It’s the worst track. D: It’s just a circle. D: It’s the worst track in the game. P: Please no baby park. *anticipation* D: You got trolled so hard there. P: Aww I wanna play my favourite one. D: Not for you, Donut plainy ding dong it is D: Okay Phil, after the two, after the two. P: After the two. D: Ok? P: Ok. D: Three, two, hold! P: I’m holding it! D: yeahhh P: That was rubbish, that was so weak. D: Elros, you are disrespecting me – P: I’m in seventh. D: V hard right now. P: I didn’t get any – Oh I got an item, it’s ok. D: *cute laughters* *Intense driving* P: Ahhh! D: ok here we go I’ve hit Elros. P: I’ve already been attacked! D: I’ve got one behind me. D: Good start for Danny P:*sings* They’ll be coming around the corner when he comes D: How was he back in front of me already? P: Yes. Dan! P: Oh that wasn’t you, I thought I just overtook you and it wasn’t you. D: I, I, I need to be reporting people right now. The hacking, this is unfair. D:Slidy grass! aghh, hop off the mole, the mole fucked me up Phil!! D: Don’t trust the mole dirt! P: Never trust the mole. D: Did he just try and throw an item at me? I saw that. D: Itch your face, don’t let go of the controller. P: *laughs* Itching your face with an controller? D: The art of itching your face without dying horribly P: DIE Alros!! yess D: Is one of the most impressive things human can learn. P: YES, taste that. D: I’m so scared. D: People behind me, they are attacking me, Phil. P: It’s me that’s behind you. D: Oh my god. P: Watch out DANNY. D: Phil, no attack pact! No attack! P: PHILLY’s in the thunder zone! D: No attack pact *laughs* D: Although, Phil? P: Yeah, what? D: Serious piece of advice. P: Yeah? D: If you’ve only got one shell, save it – P: *high pitch screams* AHHH! D: for yourself, don’t hit me with it. P: I’m protecting my butt. D: Exactly. Protect your butt. P: You are trying to sneak me out. D: noo, because – D: I, no no no. P: You’re the snek, you’re the snekiest snek! D: *Internally screams* D: You have to wait for me to get annihilated – P: noo D: by the blue shell. D: And that’s your chance. P: I’m coming for you Dan, I’m coming for you to eat your children, and here it begins now. D: According to the mini map, there is a black Yoshi called Nin. D: And he is riding your butt. P: No he’s not. D: And you need to be scared P: He doesn’t even know who I really am! D: Oh my god did you just – P: What, a ghost?? I thought I used it in the ghost game!! D: How dare you, hit me with a red shell. D: Is this the end of this gaming channel? P: Oh my god. D: I think it is. P: I was doing pretty well then. D: That’s it, friendship with Phil over. P: *screams* Ahhh. D: Only friend with Nin now P: Dan and Nin games D: *laughs* P: Come on I can bring this back D:ohhhh, oh my god, Nin’s coming for me now. D: Phil! P: Nin is awful. D: I need you to be in second to protect me! P: I’m coming back. D: Are you? P: Yes, I’m on the way back *laughs* D: Phil, Phil – D: What is happening ding ding P: Ohhh, what a shameful round! D: You’re letting the team down Phil. P: I know! D: The British empire is crumbling. P: I’m letting myself down, I’m letting my family down – P: I’m letting Yoshi down. D: You’re letting ME down!! P: Ughhh D:ok, new group of people. P: ohh, they are all from Japan! D: And someone’s got two thou- okay, D: This is getting serious. P: If they are from Japan that means they are good. D: But are they Dan and Phil good? P: You’ve got an eyelash hanging off your eyelash D:PROTECT ME, PROTECT ME, don’t let it go into my eyeball- Thanks. P: Make a wish D: *sings*That’s what friends are for – Pufft- D: *Robot voice* I wish that I will destroy all Japanese people. P: Don’t say that. D: At Mario Kart! P: *laughs* I was like what D: *soft voice* Hello Japanese people, I’m a little nervous, okay? D: I’m using tilt controls. They need to go easy on me P: They are not gonna believe you! D:They need to go for it. Is the mii next to me cute or scary? D: i feel like it’s- P: A bit of both, a bit of both D: Oooh! P: Jungle! D: You like this one! P: I love jungle, this is my second favorite one D: Your second favorite one P: I know the secrets on this one. D: Dan and Phil versus the Japanese, this is it. P: *sings in the background* D: You have to bring out.. P: And Switzerland. D: and one person D: And Sam from the UK D: What up Sam? P: Alright. D: Better be subscribed to the channel. Okay. P: You better all be. D: I’m starting first, this is an incredible advantage. P: Alright. D: I bet they are all salty. P: I’m gonna UNLEASH MY PAIN! D: That’s a very weird thing to start this with. D: ok I’m gonna try so hard. D: I’m not even gonna talk, zero percent bant. P: You’re talking a lot to say you’re not gonna talk. D: Okay. *laughs* P: Taste my wheels! P: Alright, this is it. D: You s- everything you say always resolves around tasting, Phil. P: It does. P: Ahhh! D: If you’ve got some, like, weird issue that you need to tell us about… P: I like eating. D: Firing backwards and then get the two. D: The only time you fire something. P: This is gonna be better. D: Skid over the grass! P: Right. D: And then up that – you see that? P: omg. That is the short cut if you wanna do this. P: You shouldn’t be watching Dan’s side, you should be watching my side. P: I’m about to do something INSANE! D: What’s happening on your side? P: Look at this. And I’m gonna slap DANNY in the back. D: Yours is a lot more stylish than mine. P: Yeah, exactly! P: You should be watching my side. D: Ughh blue shell. D: ok, ok, I’m gonna get rid of these two items and hope I get an airhorn D: Which is the only thing that can break – No D: No I’m dead. I can’t protect – D: I have no items! P: Yes, yes. D: This is terrible! P: Hahaha D: Okay, this is the fear start to set in for me. P: ok watch my side, I’m about to attempt to go across this bridge. P: Yass! D: Phil and- P: oh no! *laughs* D: Okay, you know when I said Phil plus mushrooms equals doom. P: I tried. P: I tried. D: That is the perfect example of that, ok? P: I’ll bring it back. D: Whenever Phil gets three mushrooms.. P: Yes, yes.. D: He freaks out D: Hop up for gri- please give me that, please ahh!! P: Blue shell blue shell blue shell D: Is a blue shell coming? P: Yes! D: Okay, something you can do. P: And I’m in second. D: Is to sabotage yourself, by falling off like that. D: See how I just protected – oh my god D: That was the worst possible timing! D: If that’s a second earlier, you can avoid it. D: Oh my god. P: Am I close to him? D: You’re getting too close. P: Yes! D: Phil’s in second. P: I can sniff the back of your exhaust pipe D: You can sniff my ink P: Alright. D: I’m sorry Phil D: DANNY is just too good at mario kart. D: You can never catch up. P: I think you better watch out. D: There is nothing anyone can do P: You’d better not cry! D: Oh I see they gave Phil a fucking air horn. P: Ahhhhh! It hit me! It hit me as well D: Another, another blue shell. D: This is absolute – I would like to file an official complaint- D: with Nintendo, I’m being discrimated against. P: *laughs* P: Ahh oh I was doing so well, this isn’t fair! D:They took away inkling girl’s insult. P: This isn’t fair, this is abuse! D: Phil, mario kart isn’t fair. D: Either you’re in first, or you are in the item cluster fluff D: Phil, they are Japanese. P: You better not shout, you better not cry – P: You better run away cause Phil is here. P: Using all the items at once. D: I feel like you’ re committing a cardinal sin by making all of these Christmas songs. P: Shush.D: I’m just gonna flag that. GEEEEESE! P: I’ve got it, I’ve got it D: I saved it. P: Geese *laughs* D: GEEESE! P: Geese. D: It’s my panic noise D: Don’t mock me. P: Ok I can still do it! D: Go Phil, BULLET BULLET BULLET! P: Come on, kill them. D: Come on, disrespect those people. P: Please. D: Phil are you gonna get any of them, are you gonna – P: Pleaaassseeeee. D: Ohhhh 5th P: I was so average. D: It was a solid effort. P: Ugh. D: A for effort Phil. P: If, if my racing was a noise it would be “ugh” D: *laughs* Okay final round. P: Final round. D: And I think we need to choose rainbow road P: Are you kidding, I’m terrible at rainbow road D: yep D: okay, I won. so this is naturally – P: You’re hooraying again D: I need, I need to spam hooray. D: I need to say that it was fun, a good game. D: One more time, that’s important. P: *laughs* P: What are you doing with your body then? That was really weird. D&P: Here we go. P: Electric road. D: Are you ready for this? P: Yes. D: I’ve been disrespected by two people being put in front of me D: I don’t know what this is about, I’m filing an official complaint. P: I’m about to throw you all into the abyss P: Here we go. D: Drive in straight lines towards the next corner. D: *sings* DANNY’s top tips. P: oh, I’m coming around, I’m coming around! D: DANNY’s top tips. P: I’m in first! D: Hug the corners. P: Get away from me Dan! D: Noooooo D: Ok ohh I got an pink boost, did you see that D: Ohh that was so arousing. P: I’m gonna kill you P: YES! Hahahaha D: *assulted* REALLY? P: That was incredible D: Rea- How could you do me like this? P: I just did it. P: And now bomb D:*screams* OH MY GOD! P: Again! yes! P: Take that Dan! D: Phil nooo P: There we go Philly’s back in town and everyone’s scared. D: This is such an bomb- D: Why did I just throw a bomb forward? D: I’m cursed. P: How many second, how many second. D: I’m gonna come back Phil, do not mock me. P: Right, I’m gonna get cannon, I’m gonna fire her out of the cannon! D: I don’t think you can do that in Mario Kart, Phil P: I can and I will! D: That sounds very violent and possibly illegal. D:I’m so scared by everything P: Not the ink, not the ink, I can’t see anything. D:I have so much terrifying primordial fear right now. P: I’m blind! D: I’m in the item cluster fluff zone. D: I need to get out. P: *Laughs* D: Three red shells, ok I – omg one of them just blew up D:Another one just blew up on the wall. P: What, what’s happening. D: I’ve never been this attacked in my entire life. D: Oh Phil, Hi how are you. P: Yes, yes…No no nononono D: It seems like you are about to be hit by something! P: Ahhhh! D: Oh no! P: I’m almost at cannon! D: Oh and then you threw on forward again? D: It seems like DANIEL has slipped into FIRST PLACE! P: Stop it! P: You are evil! P: I can’t believe this. D: ok, ohh Phil, another bomb? P: Another bomb. D: Stop giving Phil bombs, are you trying to – AHHHH! P: Missed it, missed it. Alright, nearly got him. D: Fire backwards. D: Did I hit you? P: No. D: Was that your bomb ahead?! P: It might have been. D: Stop trying to freaking attack me! P: Right, this is it, this is it. D:Ohh nononono. P: DANNY’s dead, DANNY’s dead, come on! D: nonono *burst into laughters* P: Yes, yes, yes, yes!! D: no, no, no! Comoncomoncmoncomon…. *both screams* P: YESSS!!! D: Well done Phil D&P: *claps* D:ok.. I gave that to you, well done. [look how happy & cute phil is bye im deceased] D: A Dan and Phil one two. P: Yeah! D: Now I’m just gonna say to all the people D: If we had our no hitting each other pact. D: That wouldn’t be nearly as stressful! P: *laughs* P: But it was fun! It was fun. D: *freaking out as usual* D: And there we go – P: I think that’s a good, good time to end it. D: That’s actually a good positive note to end this video on. P: Yeah, the hardest track and Phil wins *smiles* D: I, I wouldn’t say electrodrome is the hardest track. P: Everybody knows. D: I’d say, I’d say it’s one of the easy ones D: But that’s good! P: Yeah!! P: Hope that was everything you wanted (It was.) D: Everything you dreamed of: Dan and Phil, try harding on the internet. P: We could actually try and race against you guys in a future video. D: In a tournament. P: Yes, so if you want us to do that, give us a thumbs up. D: Let us know how you feel. P: Race against subscribers – That could be dangerous. D: That’s, that’s gonna be some drama, right there. D: We’ll see you next time! D: You can click subscribe. P: Subscribe! D:To see that video. D: You can watch over there to see another one D&P: You can go to our channels, and yeah. D: Make pact with your friends, not to hurt each other. P: Throw turtles…at people. D: Up the bum, bye. P: Bye!